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Prime Suspect
Ma'am, we've identified a possible date suspect. I apologize for taking so long, but we had to be sure we collared the right guy:
* Age 39, 5'9, green eyes, short brown hair.
* Wears corrective lenses. 10 fingers and 10 toes. 27 teeth (missing his canines and a molar, circumstances unknown). No tattoos. Running shoes look to have some serious wear on them and he's known to use them in conjunction with a iPod.
* Background check shows he's spent a good part of his life in Hawaii and Northern California; my CIA sources have unconfirmed sightings in Europe and South America.
* Allegedly gave blood last month and says he's not scared of needles (You ask me, that's what they all say).
* Claims to be fully employed and produced paystubs and tax returns going back at least 15 years. Our documents person will examine these materials in the next 24 hours.
* Evidence demonstrates he drives a late model vehicle, uses a cell and wireless laptop extensively professionally and personally.
* Witnesses report seeing him consume a wide assortment of food, from organic papayas to Korean plate lunches to banana pancakes to day-old pizza. This includes caffeinated products and alcoholic beverages. His Costco card is current.
* Interrogated him extensively about his intentions for the summer. He said he will finally switch from Blockbuster Online to Netflix, his extended family every Sunday night and start practicing the guitar on a regular basis again (Sure he will. And I'm guest starring on CSI next week).
All in all ma'am, he's our prime suspect. We've read him his rights and booked him. On your say-so we'll release his picture and additional background details to you. I must caution you that he has multiple priors across state lines. Don't hesitate to if if gets out of line.
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